I always make sure to snap a photo of something really unsafe but totally cute before telling him to stop.
The second chair is for me. What a thoughtful little guy.
I don't remember really going through a nesting period while I was pregnant. (Jimmy, I am talking about when a woman is about 8-9 months along and she goes nuts cleaning, organizing, and overall preparing for the baby.) So I think I am going through a very delayed nesting period now. Particularly this weekend. I have cleaned every surface. I moved the furniture to vacuumm. (Why can I not ever spell that word right?) I dusted. I want SO BADLY to clean the carpets. And if I had a shop vac, and the humidity dropped a few thousand percents, I'd be all over the car. I have BAKED twice. TODAY. I made cookies this morning and banana bread this afternoon. But, take a sigh of relief, as I am still the same old girl. I totally forgot about the second batch of cookies, and I have no idea how long the bread was in the oven or if I even set it to the correct temperature.
And now on a completely different note:
I feel a big need to talk about an elephant in the room. Last week I mentioned that I needed a wingperson. I didn't feel, at the time, like getting into the big D topic. Dating. Bleh. So I said "person." Clearly I meant I need a wingMAN. But I don't want to date. I mean, I don't want to go through a whole bunch of people trying to figure out who is right with me. What I want is to meet the person. I want what God wants. A partner. Someone to help me be a parent, because we were not meant to do this alone. It is too hard.
A friend once asked me how I felt about dating "now that you know about Punkin's disability. I mean, it's hard enough to find a guy as a single mom, but then having a kid with issues...." At the time I calmly replied that I hadn't even thought about it. Cause the question was a bit rude, even though she didn't mean it that way. And because I was too busy keeping my head above water with a newborn and The News and just making it every day. But now I do think about it. And I think I'm ready to consider it. I've thought about the "poor single mom disabled kid" thing, and I think it's a little bit crap.
There is some sacrifice involved. But they're the same sacrifices I have made, so I don't see it as insurmountable. It's like the Holland Metaphor. It isn't what you had planned. You always think, "single, free to move around, tiny apartment, ice cream for dinner" evolves into "married, free to move around, slightly larger living quarters if you're lucky, chinese take out for dinner." But in this case, there is no "married without kids."
But the right person, should he exist, sees a ready-made family. Sees the deep appreciation we have for those who appreciate and accept us for who we are. Which really isn't THAT different from what I thought before, although I'd like to think I'm a bit wiser now. Even if I am still only 25 years young.
Haley talked a few weeks ago on her blog about the loneliness of motherhood and pregnancy. I definitely identify with that sentiment. When you're pregnant, there are quite a few limitations on your lifestyle that keep you from engaging with your surroundings in the same way as the people around you through diet and daily activities. And when your children are young, your'e leaving your company to provide for them. To feed them, to tuck them back into bed, to find them a toy, to comfort them when they tumble. And I imagine that while the specifics will change, the basic notion of putting your child before yourself continues as both of you age. But again there is such a sweet side. Having the opportunity to be alone with your child during such tender moments. It's too bad that those moments are instead so often a test of patience. =) It's so difficult to calm down, step back, and see the situation for what it is. I am working hard on trying to be present with Punkin. It's so easy to disassociate from him because of all of our "screen time." We need to get out of the rut before life passes by. Because the rut only adds to the loneliness. This all written on an evening when he put himself to bed at 6:10. I'll write again tomorrow when he's up until 10. =)