Friday, January 18, 2008

good long day

Went to the big behavior appointment today. All they said about the bouncing was, "Well, we're glad you found a way to quiet him." ! They totally "get" Punkin. One of them even commented, "I bet diaper changes are a real struggle." Yes. . . *exhales* . . . Yes.
But the best news? I am not doing anything wrong! The very first thing the behaviorist mentioned was developing a picture schedule. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but just didn't know the best approach or really where to start. I was so excited! And they know all about FX and even put together a FX conference and led a FX study. They even demonstrated how to work through the entire schedule process. And Punkin cried and whined and they still made him work. It was awesome. I'm glad he wasn't all smiles. He gave them a clear picture of our daily challenges, which helped them help us. The poor speech pathologist, though, got to him second to last and didn't get anything out of him. But we talked, so it was okay. I just wish he would have showed off a little more. =)
After the picture schedule we talked about time out--how it should be immediate and not in one particular spot because of the non-existent attention span. I've been doing that already, but he just gave me ideas for developing it. He said I should sit, looking away, with my hand out. When Punkin takes my hand, the time out is over and I stop ignoring him. Ignoring the self-abusive behavior was another point. And--bonus--he gave me a [text]book about behavior modification. It's a good read so far. Communication-Based Intervention for Problem Bahvior: A User's Guide for Producing Positive Change. Perhaps not as compelling as, The Starter Wife, which I finished last night, but definitely more useful.
And then we talked a bit about potty traning. So excited! It will still be a long process, but we are so much further ahead than I expected.

OOhhh--check out this! I'm working on it! If I can't use the back-pay account from SSI to pay the rent, I'm buying a trampoline instead. Very logical, right? I have a long list of other sensory toys I think we need. Like a Rainbow Maker. (WARNING: Creepy kid in photo.)

I decided something. If other people think that I am a good person and a good mom, then maybe I am a good person and a good mom. Very revolutionary over here. Some days I just feel so stinking sleepy and exhausted. But then I also think I shouldn't be exhausted at all because I didn't do enough that day. I didn't work with Punkin enough; we didn't really even play, I didn't make him use his fork at dinner, ect. I know I am only holding myself up to unrealistic (and honestly undefined) standards--no one else is--but the standards keep rising and I therefore continue to dissappoint myself. But what is the payback for this behavior? Behavior, as I have learned and was reinforced today, always serves a function. So what do I get out of making myself crazy? (Kind of a downer, I know, but it's been on my mind.)

Very excited about the birthday. My big sis is coming into town Tuesday to help with preparations for Wednesday. And he turns THREE on Thursday! CR-AY-ZZAYY. Maybe on Thursday I'll grace everyone with the birth story of my nine pounder. Or maybe not.


FXSmom said...

you ARE an incredible person and mom. How could you have ever doubted it? Ok...I know how cuz I do it all the time too. But punkin CHOSE you to be his mom and boy is he lucky :)

Laura said...

You ARE a fabulous mother and an extraordinary person. I am not biased--I KNOW.

I want to hear the birth story again! The blog has not heard it yet.

Alice said...

You are a patient, and loving mother! Don't doubt yourself! I can't wait to hear the birth story. I haven't yet had the privilege!
The trampoline looks like crazy fun!

Anonymous said...

Something I talk about with my fabulous students often is that God has gifted each of them with the exactly right parent for them! God chose you for punkin! And you ARE amazing...I am daily impressed and overwhelmed by the mother you are! Can't wait to come see you...sleepover on the sofa bed!!!