I think I may need them for myself after all.
It started last night. I wasn't even going to blog much about it. Mostly I was going to tell Kristie that I think our sons communicate telepathically. Blake somehow told Punkin how good it feels to be diaperless. It was so frustrating, and hilarious. As soon as I would get one on him, he would rip it off. When bedtime rolled around, he took the diaper off and peed on his bed two different times, finally falling asleep nude. Pretty good story, right?
I don't remember why I checked in on him at naptime--if it was too loud or too quiet. Either way, I slowly opened the door to discover my beautiful, almost three-year-old bundle of joy standing in front of his bed, butt naked, covered in a mysterious brown substance. Behind him on the bed, the source of a remarkably foul odor: a big pile of poop. Yes, poop. The "mysterious" brown substance, I realized, not only decorated the creamy white arms, legs, and FACE of my little cherub, but was also smudged across the carpet and MY sheets.
AH EWW AHH EWWW. OH, GOD. OkayWheredoIstart? The face. I start cleaning his face first. Then the hands. Okay, I'm putting him in the tub. Where's the antibacterial soap? Can you safely marinate someone in Purell? No. Definitely not. Soap. Lots of soap. Might as well wash his hair. Now I have to clean the tub. No, it can wait. First, throw away poop pile and sheets. Then get him dressed. What can he not take off by himself? Overalls? He hates those. Footie pajamas? OH--inside out footie pajamas. Good one. Now put on a video. NOT Elmo's Potty Time. Toy Story. Okay, now clean the tub. Gross. Where's the bleach? Tub is clean. Now, go buy carpet cleaner. Weird looks in Walmart.
Clerk to me: Did he do that or did you do that?
Me: What? His pajamas?
Clerk: Ya. Me: I did it. He likes to take his clothes off.
Clerk, with a smile: My nephew does that.
Me to myself: Bet he doesn't play with his poo.
Home again. Spray, scrub, spray. We need to go to Oma and Opa's.
Oma just laughed. Jerk. =) Actually, about two hours after I first found him, it became funny. But not nearly as funny as it was to Oma. But she did agree to go see the new Veggie Tales movie with us in an effort to help me relax. It was Punkin's first theater experience. He didn't say a word the whole time. I thought for sure he would point to the enormous screen and shout, "Larry!" But he just sat on my lap and ate my popcorn and drank my soda. That is until he wanted to bounce upside down on my lap. But I know he loved it because he had a huge grin on his face on the way out.
And yes, after much struggling, he is happily sleeping in his inside-out jammies. This Monna ain't takin' no chances.