Monday, April 28, 2008

monk-ish

what's worse than swinging your shoe to kill a giant mama-bear spider on the wall in your living room?

missing.

initial reaction, is, of course, the overwhelming sense that the spider is on me. in my hair, on my clothes, under my feet.

once the spastic arm-flapping (which causes me to hit myself in the face repeatedly) ceases, the realization that i don't know where it is settles in.

this causes a new wave of anxiety. what if it flew into the bedroom and is hanging in wait above my bed, only to crawl on me in my sleep? what if i never find it? what if it's eight spindly legs scuttle across the floor tonight while i'm watching the bachelor?

ooohhh....i totally see it. no plan of attack. need plan of attack............darned blog! if i hadn't been blogging, i'd have a plan!

spray cleaner! douse it with cleaner, and then stomp it with my shoe!
okay. it's hurting. but i can't risk missing again. hmmm. need to suck up the cobweb anyway ...... the vacuumn! aha! brilliant.

oh, goodness. he's gone. i even left it running for an extra minute to be sure.

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what if crawls back out? what if the vacuumn malfunctions and spits him back out the hose and into my face???

what if he is a she and there's babies.....


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feeling a little better now. i had to use the vacuumn to suck up taco seasoning from my stovetop after someone was "helping" make dinner. no spiders flew out. (shivers)

how monk-ish are you?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm totally with you. Last week I was lying on the couch watching TV; I covered myself with the couch blanket because it was chilly. A few minutes later I look down and a spider is almost at MY NECK. I threw the blanket down and tried stomping on it with my shoe (in my hand) but it DIDN'T DIE. Dad almost wouldn't kill it; but I was so shook up and screaming he had to.
Mom

Anonymous said...

Seriously, if anyone understands the spider issue, it's me! I haven't changed my vacuum cleaner bag in over 6 months because I am CERTAIN that if I try to change it, all the spiders and box elder bugs that I've sucked up will jump out and smother me.

And, in my little mind, if one fails to kill a spider intially, then said spider morphs into a giant face eating monster and attacks you. So, I run away, hide, and refuse to go into the room with the spider until I get enough guts to suck it up or ask someone else to kill it.

I'm considering psycho therapy.

EM

Anonymous said...

So this totally reminds me of an incident in Palatine this past summer at Gramma and Grampa;s pool. I was laughing my butt off!!!!
Love, AP

Anonymous said...

Better get rid of the vacuum cleaner bag. Just cause you sucked it up doesn't mean it's dead!
We have these really big, ugly flying bugs here. One was crawling up the wall and I sprayed it (I was NOT going to try and kill it) until it died. Sad thing was, it died stuck on the wall. I left it there until Uncle Mike came home from Chicago. It was there for about a week and a half.
We took pictures of the ugly pool spider but not of any of us acting like lunatics trying to get it out of the pool. Would have made a GREAT scrapbook page....Aunt Kim

Jennie said...

Dude, that's not monkish at all. If I even vacuum up obviously-dead bugs, I leave the wand attachment lying on the floor for a good ten minutes, running to make sure the bugs can't get out. My skin is crawling right now.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I took the Monk-ish quiz and it says I am more Monkish than most. Do you think I am?

Mom

BTW: our family is pretty pathetic when it comes to spiders

Kristiem10 said...

I am a little Monkish. Spiders are gross.

FXSmom said...

i took that test and my answers shamed me. I think i'm worse than monk!

Maddy said...

Thanks for the link, that was fun. Strangely, it turns out that I'm not particularly monkish [and I tried not to cheat too!]
Cheers