people at work as well as family and friends often comment on my patience with punkin and the kids i work with. and i do feel quite calm around them most of the time. i have my moments, but everyone does. i can get wacked in the jaw, for example, by a four-year-old as i am attempting to restrain him so that he stops hitting his head on the floor, and not yell at him or stop my restraint or even let him know he hurt me. he calms down, we go to the nurse to get ice, and we head out to recess. a few hours later i have x-rays done of my jaw -- no signs of fracture. i did not lose my focus or my temper. punkin can dump his milk out on the table (on purpose) or remove his diaper and pee on the carpet (on purpose) and i just roll my eyes and clean it up.
I Feel So Extraordinarily Impatient Today.
not about the punkin, but about life in general. i am itching for a change. the thing that is adding to my frustration is that some of the things i feel impatient about, i have a large amount of control over -- making them happen more quickly, i mean. or at least attempting to change the current situation. other things i have limited or no control over, and that should bother me more. except i keep sitting here waiting for change to happen, for new circumstances to just fall in my lap (which drives my counselor crazy). i'm waiting to just wake up one morning, for example, and no longer crave high fructose corn syrup and yellow dye number six. to instead drink a cold water on my way to the office where i work at a job, no a career, that utilizes my education and my abilities. and has dental. so i end up feeling blech because i haven't sent out any resumes and i have had two mountain dews, when in reality i can change both of those things in about a week. so why don't i?
if my friend were telling me this i would remind him that he deserves to happy.
if my friend were telling me this i would remind her that motherhood doesn't define her. she's still a woman, a person, with dreams and needs and ambitions.
i'm pretty sure most of you are thinking, "so just do it already!" (i know my counselor is.)