Thursday, August 28, 2008

conversations with brick walls

So Creepy Guy once said something to the effect of, "I got ridda her [mystery girlfriend who gave him a watch from Avon that he thought was super expensive). She had three beers in my apartment and was all and I got ridda her." He then went on about being Mormon or something.

Naturally I filed this information away as a helpful hint for turning him off. My friend Tall Guy suggested I answer the door with a beer (or four) and see what happened.

So I hear his familiar "knock KNock KNOCK knock" and zip by the fridge to grab a Bud Lite. The same Bud Lite I bought in February for a party. Chances were high I wouldn't actually attempt to drink the now stale beverage.

"Aww, Erika. Godda drink Miller."

GAHHHHHHHHJHHHHHNHNHJJK!!!! Does NOTHING WORK????

That's all he could talk about. I even cracked it open and took some swigs (not that bad). He asked if I like Icehouse and I lied and said I used to drink it in high school which is not true I never even left the house in high school I just wanted to make myself seem yucky because he keeps talking about church but

BUT now I see. He just says whatever floats to the top of his brain. He can't keep it straight one minute to the next.

"They raise your rent yet?"
"My lease isn't up until October."
"Just wait."
"Last couple times they just raised it about 10 bucks."
"That's what they say anyway. My neighbor took 'em to court they raised his rent didn't even tell him. He lost though."
"Your neighbor here?"
"Ya, below me."
"They didn't warn him?"
"Ya, they did."
"Well, that's telling him. That's notice."
"Ya, he's a little (swirls finger around temple in 'crazy' motion)."
RIGHT.

Then he showed me his battle scar from working at a restaurant in town. (Note to self: don't eat there.) He said I could work for him on Monday. I said he could work with the preschoolers. He said, "Kids aren't bad, though."
"No, I like them."
"Just gotta know how to treat them. Like my cat."
RIIIGGGHHHT. "I need to go clean and go to bed. Bye."

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM??????
James should have come over and put his arm around you and said, "Come on, honey. Close the door on the Loser."

Love ya,
Oma

Anonymous said...

who's james?
Tall Guy

Anonymous said...

Seriously! Don't answer the door. Just yell through it to"go away I can't talk to you right now"
Does this guy have a car? I'm thinking you might have to create a big ruse when you move so he doesn't follow you to your new apartment.
Scaryscaryscary!
Don't tell him you're moving! Let him find out when he sees you packing up the Uhaul.
Love you!
Aunt Kim

Anonymous said...

I agree with Oma and Aunt Kim. DON'T TALK TO CREEPY GUY. And... don't let him find out where you are moving. I'm so glad you are getting to move. I'm also excited on the progress Punkin is making!!!
Love you lots, Aunt Patty

sarah said...

augh! so creepy! i am telepathically attempting to tell him to go away...it's the best plan i've got so far.
i can't believe he would turn the burner on a kitten. i would call the humane society or something. how awful! :(

Laura said...

oh my gosh. lock your door and don't answer it; i don't care if he keeps knocking!!

yeah, don't tell him you're moving--and maybe you should load the uhaul in the dead of night. i mean it.

Bethany said...

I would definitley quit talking to the guy. But have to admit I did giggle just a bit.. you wrote this post well.