Sunday, September 7, 2008

emotional much?

ack. good thing i have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow (monday) about my meds. i have been an irritable mess lately and completely impatient with punkin, not to mention being remarkably indecisive. i imagine if the grocery clerk asked me if i wanted paper or plastic, i would stand and stare at her, in a daze, until she finally picked one. and then i would snap at her for picking the wrong one and start crying because i snapped at her.

i really think she will want to up my dosage, but i'm not convinced that's the right thing to do. i mean, this drug is not helping at all. i feel like i might as well not be taking anything. in the past when it's been a dosage issue i felt okay but just not great. plus the freak out sensory issues are a brand new symptom. hello? out of nowhere. i need to get a different wallet. and a different bag. and different paper towels at school. and new fingertips.

and new sinuses, which are apparently attempting to vacate the premises because my. face. hurts.

i bought a new bookshelf for the punkin and a new tv stand for me. the tv stand i am using now is actually an oversized end table. it has been making me nervous ever since opa and i put it there, but i kinda had no choice. i really want this new place. i even started going through punkin's toys and summer clothes to minimize what needs to be moved. and i obviously purchased furniture there will only be room for in a new place. no worries -- it is still in the box at oma and opa's.

i have finally started writing at a health site called Trusera. I've only written a couple of things and they are more advice-related. i searched for fragile x on the site, though, and i was the only one that came up. so if you aren't busy enough, get busy writing! i think you can import posts from your other sites if you want, though that seems far too complicated for my world.

i called the fragile x clinic in chicago and there was some question about whether or not they would accept punkin's insurance from the state, so i am waiting for a call back about that. when i called, though, they said their next appointment is in march, so i'm glad i got the ball rolling at least.

did you know that my son -- my son -- recognizes the letters D, H, I, J, T, and O? He was holding a tombstone pizza and said, "T, O, something, something, eight, thirteen." i was looking at his baby book yesterday marveling at how much he is capable of. i know that there are big deficits and there always will be, but the kid can recognize some letters. he knows his colors and shapes. he can communicate his wants and needs fairly well. he is running and jumping (about 1/2 inch off the ground) and attempting to ride a bike. it took him until 14 months to crawl and only 2 more months after that to walk. he can feed himself, with utensils if i nag him every 10 seconds. he can pick out a movie to watch and play with toys -- with an increasingly active imagination -- all by himself. he can ask me to build a "cowah" of blocks and yell "oh no!" really loudly when he purposely knocks them over. he can ask for a burder and coke. he can do puzzles. he ATE WATERMELON and CHICKEN STRIPS like a kid who has always loved those two foods. i know kids who can't do all of those things, and they may never be able to. so even when we struggle i have to remind myself that he is healthy. his body works, generally, the way it should, even if his mind doesn't. and he has the most beautiful sense of humor. God has given me a remarkable blessing. so lucky He chose me to be punkin's momma. and especially thankful for the timing, as i always say God sent punkin to save me from some serious heartache (aka: marrying the wrong person).

i guess that's enough sentimentality for now. happy monday. at least it's bunko night!


Kristiem10 said...

Can I just say how much I love you? I know, I know-- we've only met in person one time, but really, I do!

I think you are an awesome person, and you have a great outlook on life, despite the challenges you face. You are the best mama Punkin could ever have. God did know what He was doing when he brought Punkin into your life when he did.

I hope yor doctor gives you a new medicine to try. If you are having new sensory problems, that should definitely clue her in that more of the same med is not going to help.

How soon do you find out about moving?

Jennie said...

Girl, you are awesome. Good luck with the doc.

d. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
d. said...

I totally applaud that you're writing at Trusera -- what an amazing resource you can be there! I read your entry there and bookmarked the site. :)

(Also, please tell that it should let folks edit comments instead of just delete them... arg.)

Umma said...

b yI hope your dr. tries something new. You know best if something is working or not and the sensory stuff is a pretty big clue it's not helping! Good luck!

Umma said...

Also, I agree with D regarding blogger, lol. Please disregard the extra characters. My icetea fell on my keyboard while I was previewing and I didn't notice it added "b y" Oopsy.