Tuesday, February 23, 2010

this is what happens after you give birth

It's been a little over a week since Operation Underwear started, and my anxiety level has dropped steadily every day as he continues to stay dry at school and home. He's had some accidents going #2, but overall I feel confident that we are tackling this hurdle. So confident, in fact, that I've purchased every character underpants I can find and am ready to give away the two brand-new packages of pull-ups under the sink.

So you can imagine my dismay when we're standing in line to pay at the grocery store and I hear a muffled, "What happened?" for the FOURTH TIME today. I look down and, of course, his pants are soaked. At this point I don't want to make a scene; I don't want twelve people coming over to talk to me about potty-training and I don't want to freak out the customers behind me. I freeze. Luckily, Punkin freezes as well.

"Do you have a paper towel?" I wipe up the remarkably small amount that made it to the floor --most of it soaked into his left shoe --and then, to stifle any worry from onlookers, calmly shove the paper towel WITH PEE ALL OVER IT into my coat pocket. Don't even think twice.

We take our receipt, walk to customer service to exchange bills for rolls of quarters to do laundry, and leave.

This is not about the excessive amount of laundry I had to do or the fact that I pissed off my neighbors as Punkin's shoes clunked around in the dryer. This is not even so much about the number of accidents he had today, although it is a little frustrating to deal with inevitable "backsliding." It is about this:

People, I had pee in my pocket.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

this is what 3/4 of a haircut looks like

Usually we have really good luck going to a kid's haircutting place where they let Punkin sit in a Lighting McQueen car while he watches Cars. Today was not "usually." The place was packed and he had to sit in a Barbie car (not that he cared) and watch Dora, whom he not only didn't care about but didn't recognize.

So we made it three quarters of the way through before the hairdresser gave up the good fight, set down her scissors, and started the process of catching her breath.

He kicked. He yelled. He smacked. He flailed much like a fish on a dock. But it's shorter now. A smidge choppy and maybe in need of a touch-up, but it's out of his eyes and imminent danger of snarling.

This is the before picture, which I share with you only because I had cut off at least an inch from the back and trimmed around his ears about a week ago after a man at Target mistook him for a girl.He's FIVE, you guys!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

taking a deep breath

Punkin is five. There, I said it. He's five and he's going to kindergarten in August and I can't control what happens next. I can't be in the room next door anymore. I can't work the morning program with him every day anymore. I can't say that we have the exact same schedule any longer.


Every time someone mentions kindergarten, I just shake my head. Where do I want him to go? What do I want his program to look like? What accomodations do I want to make sure are in place?


Once again I am trying to control something that I can't and shouldn't try to change or manipulate. God has a plan. I am giving it to God.

Hasn't failed me yet. =)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

you might hear about poop again

Punkin just finished day three of Operation Underwear. I am so proud of my little man; he has been dry and has only had accidents with going poop. The first day he pooped on the floor, the second day he pooped in his undies, and today he held that poop in as long as he could!

He knew it shouldn't go in his underwear or on the floor, but he also wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of letting it go into the toilet. He tried, oh he tried, and God bless his teachers for sitting and waiting with him in that stinky bathroom, but he held it until 3:00pm when I promised he could watch TV on my phone while he tried to go. About two seconds later he relaxed and -- PLOP!

Aren't you glad you clicked on my blog today?

I wouldn't have thought to try underwear at all, but he brought them to me on Sunday and insisted on wearing them. At first he wanted them over his pull-up, but a few minutes later he had that off, too. I'm hoping that the fact that he's initiating it means that it might stick this time. Yes? Yes. Sounds good to me.

Going out in public has been nerve-wracking, especially when we went bowling on Monday afternoon with an agency that is connected to his respite agency. They have activities throughout the week for kids ages five and up. And yes, it was real live bowling. With a real ball. I am happy to report that nobody suffered a concussion and I only had to chase him down the alley once. The hardest part was learning to wait his turn. I'm hoping each week will grow easier and less physically demanding.

Speaking of easier, why are toys so COMPLICATED? I have been looking since Christmas for a simple car ramp where the cars can race each other, and today I just happened upon one while I was waiting to get my oil changed. It is a huge improvement over the one I bought him for his birthday which falls apart and then requires fixing approximately every four minutes. Of course he insists on matching each car to its proper color. The best part, though, is when he says, "On your mark, get set, go!" because it sounds like, "Uncle Mark, dit det, DOH!"

Also, check out the new button along the left-hand side from AccessDNA.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

notice the strawberry driving

Punkin hadn't played much with this Little People Bus since I bought for him for Christmas, even though he REALLY wanted it. I pulled it out on Sunday and showed him how the "guys" (Little People) fit inside and made it light up and play music.
His response? "NO! NO GUYS." A few seconds went by and he looked at me quizzically, "Cars?"
"You want to put cars in there?"
So the Hot Wheels cars ride the Little People Bus to the Little People House and have their cars serviced at the Little People Garage. And the Little People? Well, they're resting.
And the strawberry? Punkin received a blender for his birthday and when I showed him how the plastic strawberries bounced around inside of it, he became obsessed. He's been carrying them around ever since. He even tucks them in at night.
Long story short: My kid is weird, and it's fun.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

don't piss off the baby

Anyone else's child have an obsession with blowing snot rockets ONLY when he is angry? Kid can't blow his nose in a tissue to save his life, but man you put ketchup ON his hot dog instead of next to it and then deny him a popsicle 30 seconds later and you'd better be ready for mucous streamers. Down his chin, smeared into his hands, and then SMACK -- right across both of your cheeks.

Could. Not. Get to the bathroom fast enough.

Had to hide my chuckling in the towel as I thought of my glistening face in his, "No hit mommy!"

Saturday, February 6, 2010

insurance is worth gold, insurance companies....

So lately I have had a significant amount of pain in my hips, low back, and right leg, so I broke down and went back to the chiropractor that my neurologist referred me to even though he isn't in my insurance network. I figured I would just deal with the payments as they came -- especially since I am getting my tax refund soon.

So I went to see him twice and I feel a lot better. And then on Wednesday I finally got a benefits booklet SEVEN MONTHS after our insurance changed. So I looked up chiropractic care and it "will be covered both in and out of network at 80% as long as charges are reasonable." They also cover accupuncture. (I know --I don't make much money but my insurance is worth gold, people. GOLD.)

So the two people I spoke to on the phone three months ago -- the people that have kept me in pain for three months -- had NO IDEA what they were talking about.

Seeing my new chiro will cost all of $8.12

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE DO THEIR JOBS? I know it's a lot of paperwork. I know there are several plans among the people I work for, but SERIOUSLY.

Speaking of feeling better, have you seen THESE? (Found via The Fug Girls.)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

the silent treatment

This past weekend, I was lifting Punkin into his carseat and he suddenly made a noise and said, "You hurta me!"

"I'm sorry, Punkin. What happened?"

"You hurta me!"

"Where's the owie?"

"Owie. You hurta me!" A single tear trickled down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry," As I went in to give him a hug, he pushed me away.

"No! Go way now! Hurta me! Shutta da door."

"Punkin," I stroked his face, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I will be gentle. Can I hold you?"

With tears in his eyes he flatly stated, "Sitta up der!" and pointed to the drivers seat.

He refused to speak to me the entire four minute drive to Oma and Opa's house, and when Oma asked him he reiterated, "Hurta me!" but I still have no clue how this tragic injury was inflicted.

Gotta be proud of those speech skills, though.

Monday, February 1, 2010


I got home today and received a delightful e-mail from Norton Antivirus informing me that they had conveniently gone ahead and automatically renewed my subscription and charged my debit card for $54.99. When I called customer service to have the charges reversed, I REALLY wanted to say something snarky about how I didn't even have Norton anymore since the Geek Squad wiped out the VIRUS on my computer that it caught while using aforementioned product (for a measly $300). But I didn't. Being on hold for 25 minutes made me lose my steam.

I've heard several others had this same problem. so keep an eye on your credit card statements, people!

i need a cookie

Because Punkin is considered a disabled child and we are within a certain (low) income range, he qualifies for Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Let me be clear -- I REALLY appreciate this help. Let me be clear again. The people who work at the Social Security Office have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

We normally receive a direct deposit on the first day of the month; we didn't today. So I called them. The woman explained that we were in fact supposed to receive a check for $16, but because they overpaid us in previous months (and we have to pay them back $67 a month until it is repaid), our check became $0. She explained that my check was that low because our income in December was very high; I got paid three times and the Child Support Unit layed the smack down on One Non-Custodial Parent. This is when the tears started welling up.

"I called in December. I called and the woman I talked to said that she would make it so that my December payment was an overpayment so that I would continue to receive checks in February and March."

"Well, that was wrong. SSI works two months behind schedule. So your income in December affects February."

"I know that. That's why I called in December. But she assured me I would be getting a check and now I have no money to pay my rent. Do you see why this is frustrating?"

"Yes." I don't know what else she said. I was thinking about his dedicated account, which holds a sizable amount of money and requires special permission to use.

Because we were denied for two years, they had to give Punkin a lump sum of back pay which has restrictions on its use. For example, I can use it to pay medical or educational expenses or even to go to the National Fragile X Conference. I even used some of it to buy him his bed. You know what I CAN'T use the money for? Food, shelter, and clothing. I can buy a new car if I ram mine into a tree, but I'm out of luck if we need fruits and vegetables.

"Now, I've been told in the past that I can't use the money in his dedicated account to pay the rent. But I have no money to pay the rent. I have NO WAY to pay the rent."

"Could you pay the account back?"

This is when the crazy came out in my voice, "If I had the means to pay the account back, I probably wouldn't need SSI."

"But could you pay it back?"

"No. NO."

"Well, how much is in the account?" I told her. "I'll release the money. It's okay, I'll make a note in his file."

"Thank you."

Guess I need my crazy voice more often.